GRRRAAAAAAAAAUUGH!  JUST... GRRRAAAAAAAAUUGH!

I want to write but then I get distracted and I forget what I wanted to write about!

Blargh!

I''m doing okay these days.  The mood swings aren't bad lately.  I'm up and down but not to the same extremes as lately, which is good.  Pot helps.  Yes, I self-medicate.  Get over it.  It works.  Way better than any of the prescriptions I could be taking and with way less side-effects, too.

It helps to dull the emotion, keeps it from becoming extreme.  The only problem is, I've got to watch I don't over do it or nothing gets done around here.

My dog died

I know, it's the classic kick to the balls while you're down but it's true.  She's gone and I miss her.  Way more than most people think I should.  I keep walking into the bedroom expecting to see her asleep on her pillow and she's not there.  I feel a little lost.  I don't want to get another dog right away but I don't think I like being without one either.  There'll never be another one like her though.

*sigh* 

Am I paranoid? What would you know?

Sometimes when a car turns the same way I turn a couple of times, I start to think maybe he's following me.  I'm sure many people think that for a second or two... I start planning escape routes.  I've got several around my city that I always know are there.  I have a dozen different ways to approach my home that allow me to first throw someone off the track and then lead me back home. 

This is just what my subconscious mind is doing people!  I didn't even realise this about myself till recently and I'd been doing it for years.

Did you know that everytime I walk into a new room or building, my eyes seek out all the hidey holes and escape routes first.  Just sayin'.

Y'know, I never thought of myself as paranoid before. 

Fuck the World!

Sometimes, I just wanna shout FUCK! from the top of a mountain.  Sometimes, I just want to scream until someone hears me.

I have days when I can't stop crying.  It seems today is one of them.

My life doesn't suck, damn it!  So why do I have to feel like this?!?!  It's NO FUCKING FAIR!!